What's In a Name?

“What’s in a name?” Juliet asks. I’ll butt in here and say, "a whole heck of a lot."

I’m still reeling a bit from the recent news we received that the little one we’re expecting this summer will be a girl. Some say it’s a clear 50/50 chance for a boy or girl, others claim that depending on the father’s family you are destined one way or the other. Well, based on the Payette gene pool there is (counting two generations) a 11:1 ratio of boys to girls. So, if you subscribed to the latter belief of predicting baby gender, the odds were clearly staked against us for a girl.

All along we’ve been building lists of names in an excel sheet – remember, I’m married to an accountant – with the understanding that once we knew the gender we’d focus more on actually looking through the lists and determining “the name.” The girl names have mostly been a compilation of those that I’ve daydreamed about since college…never really thinking seriously about them…until now.

Could there be anything more fun and yet induce so much pressure at the same time as naming someone?

Well, yes…there could be, but humor me…naming…it’s kind of a big deal.

This name that you give a child before you really even know them is defining in SO many ways:

• It says something about you, the parents. Your kids’ names are an extension of what you think is attractive, significant, etc.

• If they're named after someone special (family member, favorite [fill in the blank]) - will they understand and appreciate the intention behind it?

• It’s the first thing people see of your kid on paper. Whether it be resumes or written petitions for any number of things (jobs, colleges, first crushes, money, etc.) – what emotion, image does this name evoke in another person? What is their immediate impression based on the name printed in front of them?

• Your kid – they’re going to grow up one day and what will they think of their name? Will they thank or curse you? Sure, there are plenty of adorable names that fit a spunky, mischievous toddler…but what about in high school, college, or when they’re running for president (of the PTA or USA…it doesn’t matter)?

I could very well be blowing this out of proportion…and when you think about it, it's all subjective anyway and based on each individual - which is a beautiful thing. Besides, all of these factors listed above are based on caring what other people think. A big part of me wants to sincerely think – “who cares what anyone else thinks?!” But, let’s be honest, I care because she will care.

She is the recipient of this name we give her – an identity that others may have an opinion about, but that she will have the final say on. While others will have their subjective judgments and thoughts regarding her name…she will, in the end, bring a legacy of her own to this name…hopefully reinforcing the positive and redefining the negative.

So, all that being said, there is a name I love, but am not sure will be the one. It is a name from a heroine of one of my favorite novels. There is a passage describing this character that has touched me since the first time I read it. One of the motivations for using this name is, not only is it beautiful, this is a passage that I want to share with her one day:

“…From the beginning she had given little trouble, for her naughtiness was only the normal naughtiness of a healthy child and she had always been more or less explainable… She had...the best of all gifts the power of enjoyment, not just animal enjoyment of good health and good spirits but that authentic love of life that sees good days . ‘He that would love life and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil and his lips that they speak no guile: let him eschew evil, and do good; let him seek peace and ensue it.’…that was the kind of person [name] had had the good fortune to be born. She had the transparent honesty and purity and serenity that like clear water flooding over the bed of a stream washes away uncleanness and make fresh and divinely lovely all that is seen through its own transparency. We see the world through the medium of our characters, and [name] saw and loved all things through her own bright clarity, and enjoyed them enormously. She had not got this clearness of happy sight from her mother, whose vision was always a little clouded by anxiety, nor from her father, whose sense of the importance of his activities kept his vision strictly limited to them. Perhaps it had come from the sheer happy loveliness of the Island spring and summer through whose months her mother had waited tranquilly for her birth. Where it had come from [her mother] had only to cast one glance at her dimpled happy beauty to have all maternal worries instantly allayed…No, there was no need to worry about [name]. She was absolutely adorable, and throughout life she would be adored.”

Even if we don’t go with this name, I have this to say to the little one headed our way:

Dear ______,

You have no idea how thrilled I am to meet you, care for you, play with you and watch you grow. I hope that you will, like this favorite character of mine, love life and see good in the days and people around you. I hope that you will radiate happiness and contentment and that this will be the result of a true joy within you. I can only imagine you possessing this pure, transparent way and I hope that we, as your parents, will not corrupt this with our adult skepticism.

In the end, it doesn't really matter what your name is. Regardless of what it is we choose, know that your parents wanted to give you one that you would be proud of…and one that has the capacity to carry all the amazing things you are bound to accomplish in your life.

Cannot wait to be inspired by you,

Mama

p.s. it will always be mama

Cute Enough to be Attacked

What a strange/awful thing to think you need to be – cute enough to be attacked. Something recently reminded me of one particular exchange I had with someone I hardly knew so many years ago.

Before I go any further, I realize the subject of attacks and attack victims is not a topic to speak of lightly – I really don’t intend to treat it as such.

[Flashback] In a conversation with others about everyone’s plans for college and where we were going, I made a quip about needing to get mace for my experiences in traversing the city I was headed to. The response that came from this half-way serious, mostly joking comment, has lived in my memory ever since: “Why? You’re not cute enough to be attacked.”

What a puzzling statement. I mean, I guess that’s a good thing…?! To not be cute enough…to essentially be your own natural mace? It was a slight – for whatever reason – from an individual I hardly knew. To this day I have no idea what I said in response to that comment, but it has been seared into my memory. And while I haven’t been terribly affected by it – it has actually served more as a laughable example of ridiculous things NOT to say to someone - it has unfortunately been associated with this person and…to me.

Thinking about this has automatically spurred the self-reflection of all the ridiculous things I’ve said throughout my life, to or about people - some of which may unfortunately be on repeat in someone’s mind as a part of their memory or opinion of me.

In some cases we have time to repair our “stranger things have been said/done” statements, judgments, actions, etc. But, not all the time…and oftentimes, while the person may graciously accept an apology or choose to overlook it – it can still live, because it was said/done.

What a harrowing thought - kind of paralyzing if I think about it too much. Could I possibly recount, return to, and repair every stupid/thoughtless thing I’ve said to/about people I’ve encountered over the last 29 years? Unfortunately, no. In fact, I doubt this person would even remember this exchange – and I wouldn’t even want them to.

I guess we’re here to live, let-go, and LEARN from not only the things said/done to us…but really, and more importantly, the things we’re doing/saying to others.


Dear Person from the Past/and the World,

Crappy things have been said to me. Crappy things have been said by me. I don’t really like the taste of said crap – either coming in or going out.

So I guess it's best to really live that golden rule: do unto others as you would have them do unto you...(with the addendum: even if “others” don’t always hold up their end of the deal).

The thing is, I would bet most people don't truly mean to have their words/actions live as long as they may be living in our minds - I know I don't. If I were confronted with all the things I’ve said I would be hurriedly looking for an eraser or the “edit” option. So, I guess why say or do it? Hmm, I don't know why I'm a jerk at times and why others can be too. But...

Here’s to a continued effort at a crap-free diet – because really, this is not only better for my health, but better for everyone else’s as well. Just don’t listen to me during rush hour…that doesn’t count, ok??

Val

Yep, please just call me val because, in my book, we’re friends.