…when I woke up at 8:25am after having set my alarm at 7:05, 7:10 and 7:15? When I was supposed to be leaving to go to church at 8:50am so I could help play prelude music starting at 9:10am? I do. It just happened today.
Flash back a week. Two things: sickness had seriously struck our household (except me) and...
…with the week leading up to Christmas, there were several opportunities that were presenting themselves to participate in the coming Sunday services. Church is divided up into three hours: Sacrament meeting, Sunday School and a third hour of lessons. I was so excited to be participating in a musical piece during Sacrament meeting and then assist in the teaching for the third hour. I hadn’t taken out my violin in years, so I was thrilled for the opportunity to not only play prelude, but play a beautiful piece, O Holy Night, with an accomplished singer during Sacrament. I had been practicing all week with the help of my toddler who ensured that I would be prepared and able to play through ANYTHING. There was no way, after playing through his antics, that I could be derailed on Sunday.
[Sunday morning]
I wake up in a cold-sweat – look at my phone and it reads 8:25. I panic and in a fever (literally) jump out of bed nearly about to fall over – the family’s bubonic plague had finally struck me. All I could think was, “I have to be at church for prelude at 9:10….which is 40 minutes away… subtract 20 minute travel time, I had 20 minutes to get myself ready for church.” Running to the car, my hair in curlers and my makeup bag in the passenger seat, I shout back to Steve as I get out the door – “DRESS FELICITY! I’ll be back for her and biscuits during the second hour of church!!” I had made biscuits the night before as a treat for the lesson that would be taught later in the day (the third hour of church).
I sped to church – thankfully I didn’t get pulled over. I got through prelude music, with the help of another violinist – an accomplished young woman and her mother who was accompanying us. I was feeling a bit off as we played, lost my place a couple of times, but all-in-all I made it through. But unfortunately, it was a sign of things to come.
All throughout the beginning of church I was texting Steve about his progress with Felicity and other things that I had missed in my rush to get out the door. My plan had been all along that I would leave right after playing O Holy Night so that I could drive home to give myself enough time to pick up the items I had left and head back to church. I had myself sitting in the front pew on the left, so I would have easy access out. Anyone who knows the Payettes, knows this is a very uncommon place for us to sit – as we’re typically sitting in the very last row of the congregation (not out of preference, but out of tardiness). So, the feeling of everyone behind me, seeing my every move was a new one.
The time had come – amongst a beautiful musical program, it was our turn to perform. I said a prayer to myself, asking that the piece go well and that I’d stay calm. So, I walked up to the stand in the front, when all of the sudden my chin rest falls off my violin…like, a whole chunk of my instrument. I hurriedly try to get it back on…trying my best to screw it on my fingers only to have it lay wonkily off center. Next, I grab the music stand and while trying to lift the height, a loud, rusty squeak rings out across the audience. At this point, I feel my temperature rising, which is already high with a sweat breaking on my forehead. The next 4-5 minutes were a long – to put it frankly – train wreck (well, my part was – they did great).
Between losing my place and squeaking strings, I absolutely set a new performance standard for myself. In all the years of playing, I had never recalled getting so off track – and what was even better was this was the real first time anyone in this place had heard me play.
Well, I suppose my prayer was answered, the singer did an amazing job despite an absent violinist and considering it all I felt relatively calm.
Surprisingly, my nerves weren’t a part of the train wreck – I wasn’t shaking, I wasn’t having a panic attack –I just wasn’t “there.”
The end had finally come and here were the series of things I was thinking: “Ohh man, I need to sit down. Did I really just play that bad? Will this singer ever talk to me again? Ohh man, I need to sit. Did everyone just watch me do that? Wait, I have to get home for my stuff for the third hour. I wonder what I am going to bring those biscuits in…Ohhh, I need to sit” And from there, I rushed down to the front row, packed up my violin and slipped out the front door to sit in my car for a moment to catch my breath before quickly get back home.
After getting a pep talk from my awesome, sickly husband who had to endure the play-by-play account of my disaster, I returned to church complete with my Paula Dean biscuits – ready to be uplifted by an amazing lesson.
After all this, I wanted to say this:
Dear congregation –
I am SO sorry you had to listen to me today. Perhaps I should’ve stayed home – but, I didn’t want to miss it. Hopefully your attention was turned to the amazing singer up there with me and not the mere outline of a violinist next to her.
Also, despite having played something that I don’t even know what that was…I didn’t storm out bawling like it may have looked like…although I probably should have. I realize after the fact that that’s exactly what it probably looked like. Note to self: never sit in the front again.
At the end of the day, I’ll tell you what I’m most upset about – messing it up for my singer friend and not being able to have my family there – complete with Harry’s Christmas bowtie. Despite all this, I truly felt the Christmas spirit today and am so grateful to be surrounded by amazing, talented people who helped me remember the true reason and purpose of this blessed time of year.
Until next year – well hopefully not until then – I look forward to stepping up there again, hopefully with my chin rest tightened, the stand greased, and my temperature cooled.
Merry Christmas friends!
Valerie
Actually, if you haven't heard, please call me Val
